I received such lovely flowers today from Clinix, my healthcare provider, and mention that only because so many people are unaware of wellness options. Several years ago I had a really nasty bout of shingles that lasted a long time and then acted like it wanted to come back full force. Those of you who've had it will understand I just couldn't cope with that idea and had heard of a wellness focus to healthcare so started researching that. As it turned out, one of the best wellness clinics in the state happens to be just a few blocks from our office so I got started there and feel these last few years have really been an intentional move in a stronger and healthier direction.
Clinix is a group of providers who got together to provide an umbrella of care with both Western and Eastern health philosophy and focus. There are MDs, DOs, chiropractors, naturopaths, exercise, physical, and massage therapists under one roof who coordinate care with mutual respect for one another's expertise. Within a year of starting my care there I was able to reduce my prescription medications by well over half and each year since has brought additional improvement. They offer "Clinics at Clinix" where one or more healthcare provider hosts a group office visit for information, education, and treatment options and that opened up a whole new world for me about ways to become better educated and better invested in my own care. Although I haven't been able to completely cut this out of my own life, if I could give only one piece of healthcare advice it would be this - eat less sugar! It's deadly in many ways.
In addition, Clinix was chosen as one of about 20 providers along the Front Range to participate in a healthcare pilot program this year called "Patient Centered Medical Home". At least to my understanding, one of the key initiatives in this is to get both medical providers and patients much more interested in, incentivized by, and invested in a wellness-focused approach that moves from simply treating symptoms to making real progress in eliminating the cause of symptoms. In some ways I feel I've only taken baby steps in the wellness journey, there's so much more to learn and so many more disciplines to apply but I'm absolutely convinced that every one of us, no matter our age, can make choices that will result in better strength and health. I'll include their web page in case any of you are interested in learning more about a wellness approach to life. http://www.clinixusa.com/
Well, had a pretty rough morning, I have absolutely no idea what it's like to be stoned (and I mean none) but I THINK that's what it would feel like - like voices were coming from the bottom of a very deep well and I was kind of floating over everthing. That has fortunately gotten better, I sure wasn't in the mood for a trip back to the hospital, but I imagine that's what it will be like for awhile and hopefully more steps forward than back.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
There's no place like home!
Well, yesterday I got to put my sparkly red shoes on (even though they looked suspiciously more like black & white flip flops), click my heels together and go home! How good it is to be among the familiar, loved things again. I measured my progress by how many tubes and electronic leads I got unhooked from and was so delighted to see the last one come out of my arm! I do look like a pincushion and imagine that if someone saw my forearms they would suspect the cause to be something much different than brain surgery. The discouraging part of the morning, though, came from learning the scope of my restrictions. Not only can I not drive for three months but there is to be no: swimming - kayaking - shooting - bicycling or sports of any sort - pushing, pulling or lifting over 10 lbs - ATV - hot tubs - even warm bubble baths. The only thing I can do outside is a gentle walk with someone at my side - how humiliating. I could feel the sharp little teeth and claws of self-pity tugging relentlessly at my little blanket of contentment and honestly don't know right now how I'm going to do this. Because three months brings us to the end of September, definitely the end of summer. I feel like the canvas of my life has nearly been washed clean, like all the colors of my interests are just gone, along with the summer months I love so much and it will be interesting to see how it gets repainted.
I know, I know, it could be worse, most definitely, and especially if I were facing chemo and a grim prognosis now but for some reason can't look so much at the positives today. I did come home to so many expressions of love and support that I felt carried along on that river again. Bob and Nancy, I will be sending thank you notes too but wanted you to know that the flowers you sent were so lovely. I couldn't have them in my room in intensive care so it was all the more delightful when I went upstairs and could see them all the time. Tasha, yours were and are still beautiful as well. Bridgette, I've never seen flowers last as long as those you sent and Lee and friends, of course the planter is still gorgeous. So I'm surrounded once again with tangible expressions of love and support and it's an amazing experience. Just going into fresh air and sunlight after 10 days was wonderful and today the pain is so much better that's amazing too. So...sending each of you my love and thanks once again and hoping you can look around and find at least one thing to delight in and be thankful for today.
Val
I know, I know, it could be worse, most definitely, and especially if I were facing chemo and a grim prognosis now but for some reason can't look so much at the positives today. I did come home to so many expressions of love and support that I felt carried along on that river again. Bob and Nancy, I will be sending thank you notes too but wanted you to know that the flowers you sent were so lovely. I couldn't have them in my room in intensive care so it was all the more delightful when I went upstairs and could see them all the time. Tasha, yours were and are still beautiful as well. Bridgette, I've never seen flowers last as long as those you sent and Lee and friends, of course the planter is still gorgeous. So I'm surrounded once again with tangible expressions of love and support and it's an amazing experience. Just going into fresh air and sunlight after 10 days was wonderful and today the pain is so much better that's amazing too. So...sending each of you my love and thanks once again and hoping you can look around and find at least one thing to delight in and be thankful for today.
Val
Monday, June 28, 2010
Twilight Zone
Twilight Zone - good words to describe my time in Intensive Care, which I wasn't expecting to last more than a day. And especially good to describe the particular place I had on an inside wall with very little access to natural light. A zone of 24/7 vigilance with no accomodation whatever to natural cycles of night and day, but rather a constant barrage of light and urgent sound, as very sick or injured people are encouraged and assisted to live another day. It's the sound, perhaps, that is the most unique - a muted cacophany of electronic blips and bleeps, alarms of every sort, bells and chimes that indicate all is well - or not, as is often the case. Then, of course, you have the people willing to work in these particular places where life itself is never taken for granted. I could have sworn, almost every day in the hospital and ICU, the I had the very best nurses available and at times they did seem almost like angels with their gentle ministrations.
I mentioned on the last blog I wrote of having peeked ahead a day or two in the devotional I use so I knew the lesson on pain was coming up -and because of the pain it took quite a few days to get to it! There is a part of that particular entry so eloquent that I wanted to pass it along verbatim (Chuck Swindoll): "Pain humbles the proud. It softens the stubborn. It melts the hard. Silently and relentlessly, it wins battles deep within the lonely soul. The heart alone knows its own sorrow, and not another person can fully share in it. Pain operates alone; it needs no assistance. It communicates its own message, whether to statesman or servant, preacher or prodigal, mother or child. By staying, it refuses to be ignored. By hurting, it reduces its victim to profound depths of anquish. And it is at that anguishing point that the sufferer either submits and learns, developing maturity and character; or resists, and becomes embittered, swamped by self-pity, smothered by self will.
I have tried and cannot find, either in scripture or history, a strong will individual whom God used greatly until He allowed him to be hurt deeply."
There are, of course, many faces of pain and I sometimes think that physical pain is the least of them. Each of them, though, has the capacity to draw from us a choice - submit and learn, allow yourself to be changed for the better - or resist and refuse to allow good changes into your life. What if we learned to see pain not as an enemy, but a friend? Simply put, pain of any sort alerts us to the fact that something, somewhere, needs fixing. Do we have the courage to slow down or even stop to look it fully in the face? To become aware of changes that need to be made? To have the courage to make good choices to change? And what about the pain we see in the lives of others? On one of my last days in intensive care a young man occupied the room next to mine, but he was strapped onto a body board/brace with a broken neck and paralysis. That may have been the day of the greatest physical pain I had - yet how blessed I was to feel it. And what about those each of us know who have become embittered and "swamped by self pity"? Might you be willing sometime to step into their pain with them, share it in whatever way you're able to, and perhaps share an encouraging word?
In some ways the entire last 10 days seem like a twilight zone - I wonder if my brain will begin to sort things out after I go home. In any case, I can give an unqualified thumbs-up for the care I received at Swedish, it was truly outstanding. If you're lucky enough to have a medical provider of some sort in your circle of friends and family, give them a big hug when you can - they've chosen a good way to spend their life. I will, though, be so ready to go to bed at night and not be woken up every two hours!
I mentioned on the last blog I wrote of having peeked ahead a day or two in the devotional I use so I knew the lesson on pain was coming up -and because of the pain it took quite a few days to get to it! There is a part of that particular entry so eloquent that I wanted to pass it along verbatim (Chuck Swindoll): "Pain humbles the proud. It softens the stubborn. It melts the hard. Silently and relentlessly, it wins battles deep within the lonely soul. The heart alone knows its own sorrow, and not another person can fully share in it. Pain operates alone; it needs no assistance. It communicates its own message, whether to statesman or servant, preacher or prodigal, mother or child. By staying, it refuses to be ignored. By hurting, it reduces its victim to profound depths of anquish. And it is at that anguishing point that the sufferer either submits and learns, developing maturity and character; or resists, and becomes embittered, swamped by self-pity, smothered by self will.
I have tried and cannot find, either in scripture or history, a strong will individual whom God used greatly until He allowed him to be hurt deeply."
There are, of course, many faces of pain and I sometimes think that physical pain is the least of them. Each of them, though, has the capacity to draw from us a choice - submit and learn, allow yourself to be changed for the better - or resist and refuse to allow good changes into your life. What if we learned to see pain not as an enemy, but a friend? Simply put, pain of any sort alerts us to the fact that something, somewhere, needs fixing. Do we have the courage to slow down or even stop to look it fully in the face? To become aware of changes that need to be made? To have the courage to make good choices to change? And what about the pain we see in the lives of others? On one of my last days in intensive care a young man occupied the room next to mine, but he was strapped onto a body board/brace with a broken neck and paralysis. That may have been the day of the greatest physical pain I had - yet how blessed I was to feel it. And what about those each of us know who have become embittered and "swamped by self pity"? Might you be willing sometime to step into their pain with them, share it in whatever way you're able to, and perhaps share an encouraging word?
In some ways the entire last 10 days seem like a twilight zone - I wonder if my brain will begin to sort things out after I go home. In any case, I can give an unqualified thumbs-up for the care I received at Swedish, it was truly outstanding. If you're lucky enough to have a medical provider of some sort in your circle of friends and family, give them a big hug when you can - they've chosen a good way to spend their life. I will, though, be so ready to go to bed at night and not be woken up every two hours!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Visitors
My Mom has been moved to the 7th floor, with the stipulation that she have someone with her the majority of the time. The 7th floor will give her sunlight, some privacy, and the opportunity to rest. If you have been wanting to see her, this would be a great time. She may not have much energy to visit, but would love to just be in your company.
If you have a half hour to hour to sit with her please either email me at sunshine80219@hotmail.com or call me at 303-960-7671 and I will give you further details.
She looks extraordinary to me, but is still in a massive amount of pain. Prayers for continued healing are requested.
Kristen
If you have a half hour to hour to sit with her please either email me at sunshine80219@hotmail.com or call me at 303-960-7671 and I will give you further details.
She looks extraordinary to me, but is still in a massive amount of pain. Prayers for continued healing are requested.
Kristen
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Good morning,
Surgery lasted about 3.5 hours last night, and was successful. Her skull was cut down more to allow the eye socket to settle back in to place and titanium mesh was used to rebuild parts of the skull. The doctor also used mesh to build a synthetic membrane to keep spinal fluid from leaking in to they eye area. She was in recovery until about 3am, then moved to ICU where she will remain today.
Kristen
Surgery lasted about 3.5 hours last night, and was successful. Her skull was cut down more to allow the eye socket to settle back in to place and titanium mesh was used to rebuild parts of the skull. The doctor also used mesh to build a synthetic membrane to keep spinal fluid from leaking in to they eye area. She was in recovery until about 3am, then moved to ICU where she will remain today.
Kristen
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Sunday
My Mom has had a very difficult and challenging day. She will be having surgery again tomorrow evening and requests prayers. Will update as we know more.
Kristen
Kristen
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Update
Good Morning,
My Mom went in to surgery a little before 6:30pm and came out well after midnight. The surgeon successfully removed the tumor but had to take a small part of her skull in the process. She will be in ICU through the day today and depending on how the day goes, may be moved to her room tonight.
She hoped for a miracle to the very last moment, but maybe the miracle is that the tumor was found early on. The miracle may have occurred through a life she touched in this process. The miracle may still be to come.
Her anesthesiologist asked her what beach she wanted to visit, and what drink she would have while there. Without hesitation she answered "Cozumel" and that she would be snorkeling. I hope that not only did she get to visit her favorite beach during surgery, but that she gets a well-deserved vacation in actuality later this year!
My Mom has requested that anyone who wants to visit wait until she is home, so she can enjoy and focus on her visit with you during the six weeks of healing she will have.
We have also had many requests from people wanting to help in some way. My answer is simply to please help as you feel called. If you are blessed with gardening/landscaping skills, she has plenty of projects. If you are a great cook please drop a meal by. If you find a beautiful card, she has taken great joy in reading well wishes. Later down the road she will need help getting to work and back as she cannot drive for three months. Most importantly, please continue to pray for healing and that the tumor does not reoccur.
My Mom went in to surgery a little before 6:30pm and came out well after midnight. The surgeon successfully removed the tumor but had to take a small part of her skull in the process. She will be in ICU through the day today and depending on how the day goes, may be moved to her room tonight.
She hoped for a miracle to the very last moment, but maybe the miracle is that the tumor was found early on. The miracle may have occurred through a life she touched in this process. The miracle may still be to come.
Her anesthesiologist asked her what beach she wanted to visit, and what drink she would have while there. Without hesitation she answered "Cozumel" and that she would be snorkeling. I hope that not only did she get to visit her favorite beach during surgery, but that she gets a well-deserved vacation in actuality later this year!
My Mom has requested that anyone who wants to visit wait until she is home, so she can enjoy and focus on her visit with you during the six weeks of healing she will have.
We have also had many requests from people wanting to help in some way. My answer is simply to please help as you feel called. If you are blessed with gardening/landscaping skills, she has plenty of projects. If you are a great cook please drop a meal by. If you find a beautiful card, she has taken great joy in reading well wishes. Later down the road she will need help getting to work and back as she cannot drive for three months. Most importantly, please continue to pray for healing and that the tumor does not reoccur.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Day 25-12
I was so hoping to begin this morning by saying "I did it!" - but we didn't get to go to the range after all, just too much to do and had to focus on the priorities so will save that for another day. The subject of CS' message today was "The Shadow of the Giant". I associated immediately with the "valley of the shadow of death" since that Psalm (23) has been going through my mind almost every day for the last month. That particular shadow wasn't the subject he was referring to but we all have our shadows and that's mine for today. (I peeked ahead a couple of topics and the one two days away is on "Pain" - do you see what I mean about God giving me exactly what I need when I need it? Happy face here)
Well, I have reached the first destination on the journey - S day. Saw the eye doctor four weeks ago today and it feels like I've been on a bullet train through the maze of the medical system with long and frequent stops at "WAIT HERE" stations along the way. I'll be using an alternate form of transportation going forward that sounds very much like "pedestrian" (now "equestrian" - that I could be very happy with and it does rhyme - and it even qualifies as a life-long dream! Kevin offered to get me a burro but I think I'll pass on that one.)
Have to admit I'm scared about so many things - have to also trust that the thousands of prayers going up on my behalf are making a difference, that I'm in good hands, that my guardian angels (yes, I'm convinced I really do have them) are always vigilant, no matter whose hands I'm in.
So, dear friends and family, just in case I'm not able to write soon - and just for the record - and just for the sake of those who don't know me well, I need to tell you about my very best friend. To those of you who are not believers in Christ, please, please know there is no intention whatever to offend you but I just can't help sharing what he has done for me. Ps 103: 4 says "who redeems your life from the pit". I learned that as a child as "Who redeemeth your life from destruction". That's what Jesus did for me 35 years ago. I'm not talking about being "saved" because I think I always have been. I was born into a Christian home, baptized as an infant, part of a church and Christian school that helped teach and raise me, and made my own sincere profession of my faith when I was 14. I honestly feel like God claimed me at the moment of conception and I've always been a little sad that I didn't have a "conversion" experience like some do. What I'm talking about, though, is redemption - and I think a lot of believers miss that part.
I remember long ago looking up the word "redeem": "to regain possession by paying a specified sum...to rescue or ransom." I believe that takes brokenness, which not many of us would sign up for. About 35 years ago I had a significant stop in the journey of my life because it was a place at which I needed to linger long enough to feel the depths of pain my own words and actions had caused, and it shattered me. But Jesus stepped in among the shards, bought them back, and fashioned them together in a much better way. (Claire Cloninger has a beautiful book about the process, When God Shines Through.) Although that initial experience was a watershed event for me, and I've never had to go back to that beginning, the living and learning process since then has been a lifelong one, with delays, detours, and sometimes a few steps back. There have been times in these 35 years that I haven't looked or acted or felt "redeemed" at all and even times when I've felt completely forsaken by God, but I'll save those for another day. This is about God saying, no matter what I've done to hurt him, myself, or others, "begin again with me, in love". That's something Gary and I have learned to apply to our marriage as well, to begin again in love, no matter how many tries we have to make.
That life changing experience did leave me with this strange and often embarrassing "weeping syndrome" (my term). It just seems like my heart was so tenderized by the love and passion of Christ that my eyes often run with tears, especially when I pray or worship. They aren't the kind that leave the burning eyes and stuffy nose, but rather sweetly refreshing ones - I call them Spirit tears and I'm convinced there's a physical and chemical difference in them. I've tried hard to get "over it" but think after this long they're probably going to hang around as long as I do.
For those who have been following this, thanks for taking the time to walk with me this far. And I don't mean to be overly dramatic, but if, for any reason, I can't write soon, I wanted to leave you with these words from a precious old hymn - the one I would like sung at the end of my memorial service if I ever have one. It's a song that first taught me what "grace" really means and the lyrics go like this (accentuation points are mine):
Grace, mercy, and peace to each of you, my friends. "It is well with my soul" - but oh, I do hope to write again soon!
with love,
Val
Well, I have reached the first destination on the journey - S day. Saw the eye doctor four weeks ago today and it feels like I've been on a bullet train through the maze of the medical system with long and frequent stops at "WAIT HERE" stations along the way. I'll be using an alternate form of transportation going forward that sounds very much like "pedestrian" (now "equestrian" - that I could be very happy with and it does rhyme - and it even qualifies as a life-long dream! Kevin offered to get me a burro but I think I'll pass on that one.)
Have to admit I'm scared about so many things - have to also trust that the thousands of prayers going up on my behalf are making a difference, that I'm in good hands, that my guardian angels (yes, I'm convinced I really do have them) are always vigilant, no matter whose hands I'm in.
So, dear friends and family, just in case I'm not able to write soon - and just for the record - and just for the sake of those who don't know me well, I need to tell you about my very best friend. To those of you who are not believers in Christ, please, please know there is no intention whatever to offend you but I just can't help sharing what he has done for me. Ps 103: 4 says "who redeems your life from the pit". I learned that as a child as "Who redeemeth your life from destruction". That's what Jesus did for me 35 years ago. I'm not talking about being "saved" because I think I always have been. I was born into a Christian home, baptized as an infant, part of a church and Christian school that helped teach and raise me, and made my own sincere profession of my faith when I was 14. I honestly feel like God claimed me at the moment of conception and I've always been a little sad that I didn't have a "conversion" experience like some do. What I'm talking about, though, is redemption - and I think a lot of believers miss that part.
I remember long ago looking up the word "redeem": "to regain possession by paying a specified sum...to rescue or ransom." I believe that takes brokenness, which not many of us would sign up for. About 35 years ago I had a significant stop in the journey of my life because it was a place at which I needed to linger long enough to feel the depths of pain my own words and actions had caused, and it shattered me. But Jesus stepped in among the shards, bought them back, and fashioned them together in a much better way. (Claire Cloninger has a beautiful book about the process, When God Shines Through.) Although that initial experience was a watershed event for me, and I've never had to go back to that beginning, the living and learning process since then has been a lifelong one, with delays, detours, and sometimes a few steps back. There have been times in these 35 years that I haven't looked or acted or felt "redeemed" at all and even times when I've felt completely forsaken by God, but I'll save those for another day. This is about God saying, no matter what I've done to hurt him, myself, or others, "begin again with me, in love". That's something Gary and I have learned to apply to our marriage as well, to begin again in love, no matter how many tries we have to make.
That life changing experience did leave me with this strange and often embarrassing "weeping syndrome" (my term). It just seems like my heart was so tenderized by the love and passion of Christ that my eyes often run with tears, especially when I pray or worship. They aren't the kind that leave the burning eyes and stuffy nose, but rather sweetly refreshing ones - I call them Spirit tears and I'm convinced there's a physical and chemical difference in them. I've tried hard to get "over it" but think after this long they're probably going to hang around as long as I do.
For those who have been following this, thanks for taking the time to walk with me this far. And I don't mean to be overly dramatic, but if, for any reason, I can't write soon, I wanted to leave you with these words from a precious old hymn - the one I would like sung at the end of my memorial service if I ever have one. It's a song that first taught me what "grace" really means and the lyrics go like this (accentuation points are mine):
Not What My Hands Have Done
by George William Martin - 1862
Not what my hands have done can save my guilty soul,
Not what my toiling flesh has borne can make my spirit whole.
Not what I feel or do can give me peace with God,
Not all my prayers and sighs and tears can bear my awful load.
Thy grace alone, O God, to me can pardon speak.
Thy power alone, O Son of God, can this sore bondage break.
No other work save thine, no other blood will do,
No strength, save that which is divine can bear me safely through.
I bless the Christ of God, I rest on love divine,
And with unfaltering lip and heart I call this Savior mine.
'Tis He that saveth me and freely pardon gives.
I love, because He loveth me, I live because He lives.
Grace, mercy, and peace to each of you, my friends. "It is well with my soul" - but oh, I do hope to write again soon!
with love,
Val
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Day 24-11
Am getting more nervous but excited, too, since I decided to try for my Distinguished Expert Qualification in rifle this morning. My dear friend Chris will witness and my dear husband and son will spot and keep my magazines loaded. For those of you unfamiliar with shooting ranges, the NRA has a qualifications book that covers most firearms. You choose a weapon type, take a basic safety class and then begin working through a series of qualifications/examinations to establish expertise. As you complete a series you receive a "rocker" bar and the final test is the DE, which must be witnessed by a certified firearms instructor. I began with handgun and completed my DE in March of 2009 (started in Sept of 2009) so I'm way behind on completing my rifle series. I want to brag about Chris just a bit, I've mentioned her before and she's the instructor who got me into this. She was the first woman in the US to become triple certified in handgun, rifle, and shotgun. Since then a small number of women have joined those ranks, I believe two or three more women and some men as well from Doug's Cherry Creek Shooting Center. I don't have the statistics at the moment, but it at least was the case last year that a disproportionately high number of all the DE qualifications nationwide have come from CCSC. If you have interest at all, I'd encourage you to check it out. Please be aware they place a very high focus on safety and run a tight range in terms of regulations, knowing that when a sport is safe it's fun. There are a wide variety of classes to choose from, ways to get started without investing initially in equipment, you can even rent eye and ear protection. Plus, it's in the beautiful Cherry Creek State Park, which I enjoy as much in winter. Here's their website if you have interest in checking it out: http://www.familyshootingcenter.com/ and here is Chris' email if you're interested in checking on her firearm classes: hotbrass@comcast.net.
We're still running 90 mph around here trying to get everything ready and as usual, "it ain't gonna happen". But progress is better than nothing, and we're celebrating an early Father's Day this year so will have our summer feast (we try to have a feast for every season!) tonight. In many ways I'll be sad to see this particular day end but since they always do I'll send a note once again tomorrow. Please know that, although there's really nothing to do except wait and pray, I appreciate so very much all the kind offers of help. Who knows what we'll end up needing, but I promise to let you all know if something comes up and thank you, thank you again for the offers!
We're still running 90 mph around here trying to get everything ready and as usual, "it ain't gonna happen". But progress is better than nothing, and we're celebrating an early Father's Day this year so will have our summer feast (we try to have a feast for every season!) tonight. In many ways I'll be sad to see this particular day end but since they always do I'll send a note once again tomorrow. Please know that, although there's really nothing to do except wait and pray, I appreciate so very much all the kind offers of help. Who knows what we'll end up needing, but I promise to let you all know if something comes up and thank you, thank you again for the offers!
Day 23-10
Well, it seems like the train is picking up speed a bit, and I guess that's to be expected. Had a stellar day again yesterday, spent the morning working with my son and husband (we're trying to get our house ready to put on the market), had lunch with my boss, John (did I tell you yet how great he is? I'm half convinced God brought him to Denver especially for me!), spent the dinner hour with all the kids and grands except Kendra and had ice cream at the new Maroon Bells on Arapahoe Rd. - highly recommended new ice cream, coffee, and chocolates shop. Today will be the hardest work day, have much to catch up and wrap up - and I'm short on words for some reason, but wanted to share this beautiful Psalm with you:
Psalm 103 (New International Version)
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-
18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, O my soul.
Psalm 103 (New International Version)
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-
18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, O my soul.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Day 22-9
Well, I have several happy things to report this morning! First, my son is home, yay! He always makes me laugh and you know what they say about laughter being good medicine. We got home from the airport to a message from the surgeon who did my biopsy, saying the final report had come back (finally!!) and the tumor samples have been diagnosed as osteo meningioma, the type that is usually benign. I know from the second surgeon it's not really the "final" but was so encouraged that I slept through the night! You know what they say about needing beauty sleep? It's true and you can imagine the opposite effect. Then finally, I got the sweetest note from our CEO about my blog site and it made my heart start flying around. Oh, AND I received a gorgeous planter arrangement from him, our former CFO, and all my dear exec admin friends at CH2M HILL. I just don't think you could ask for a better day than that and I'll say again, I'm so incredibly blessed.
Today I have a little story to tell you about a serendipitous event last year that led to the fulfillment of a life long dream. The dear gentleman (in every sense of the word) I had the great privilege of supporting his last few years at CH, Bud Ahearn, had a bit of a problem with his heart in April of 2009. One of his procedures was done so quickly that none of his family had time to get here so I went over to Sky Ridge in the afternoon to sit with him a bit. (If you read this, Bud, you were sleeping so won't remember it.) When I left the hospital there was a woman in the lobby with a large jewelry table (Silpada) and something caught my eye so I stopped to look and chat with her. Somewhere during the conversation she mentioned she also taught piano and I said, oh, I've wanted all my life to play the piano, never had a chance and still would love to do that. (Gary had bought me a used piano a couple of years ago.) Well, I bought something from her and when she called back to check with me, asked if I was really interested in learning to play because she had a spot for an adult. After about 30 seconds thinking of all the reasons I shouldn't and couldn't right now I said well...yes! So for the first time in my life I sat with a piano teacher and had the great joy and challenge of practice. Long story short, I stuck with it and today can actually play Pachelbel Canon in D and Fur Elise - not perfectly, of course, but at least recognizably. Now the second part of this story is just as good.
The day I walked into Kathlyn Gogarty-Baines' home (piano teacher) there was this absolutely gorgeous painting hanging over their sofa that drew me like a magnet. When I commented on it Kathlyn said "It's by my husband, Dix Baines" who just happens to be an extremely accomplished and well known artist. So every day I got to go for a lesson I was also exposed to the art gallery in their home. In the spring they had a fund-raiser for their daughter who also happens to be a LaCrosse star and I put an entry in for a raffle and won a beautiful photo by their OTHER daughter (who is a professional photographer) of a waterfall near Hanging Lake at Glenwood. I believe in passing blessings along so someone else who attended the Water for People fundraiser event this year is now the lucky owner of that. But this year they had another Lacrosse fundraiser, I again submitted an entry and look what I won!
Today I have a little story to tell you about a serendipitous event last year that led to the fulfillment of a life long dream. The dear gentleman (in every sense of the word) I had the great privilege of supporting his last few years at CH, Bud Ahearn, had a bit of a problem with his heart in April of 2009. One of his procedures was done so quickly that none of his family had time to get here so I went over to Sky Ridge in the afternoon to sit with him a bit. (If you read this, Bud, you were sleeping so won't remember it.) When I left the hospital there was a woman in the lobby with a large jewelry table (Silpada) and something caught my eye so I stopped to look and chat with her. Somewhere during the conversation she mentioned she also taught piano and I said, oh, I've wanted all my life to play the piano, never had a chance and still would love to do that. (Gary had bought me a used piano a couple of years ago.) Well, I bought something from her and when she called back to check with me, asked if I was really interested in learning to play because she had a spot for an adult. After about 30 seconds thinking of all the reasons I shouldn't and couldn't right now I said well...yes! So for the first time in my life I sat with a piano teacher and had the great joy and challenge of practice. Long story short, I stuck with it and today can actually play Pachelbel Canon in D and Fur Elise - not perfectly, of course, but at least recognizably. Now the second part of this story is just as good.
The day I walked into Kathlyn Gogarty-Baines' home (piano teacher) there was this absolutely gorgeous painting hanging over their sofa that drew me like a magnet. When I commented on it Kathlyn said "It's by my husband, Dix Baines" who just happens to be an extremely accomplished and well known artist. So every day I got to go for a lesson I was also exposed to the art gallery in their home. In the spring they had a fund-raiser for their daughter who also happens to be a LaCrosse star and I put an entry in for a raffle and won a beautiful photo by their OTHER daughter (who is a professional photographer) of a waterfall near Hanging Lake at Glenwood. I believe in passing blessings along so someone else who attended the Water for People fundraiser event this year is now the lucky owner of that. But this year they had another Lacrosse fundraiser, I again submitted an entry and look what I won!
This is a large print giglee on canvas of the McPollin Farm, $750 value! I felt like I won the lottery. I've fallen in love with Dix's work and for my 60th BD last year I bought myself my first original, a gorgeous little 5x8 of a fall bridge/river scene. If you're interested in Dix I'll include his website below, he's been commissioned for several really large projects and at least one of his paintings is hanging in the Broadmoor. But for those of you would-be or are artists (yes, Gwen, I'm talking to you) he also offers group painting lessons in his home at some convenient day or evening times during the week for $15 a session. That would honestly be worth the time just to go and watch and listen to him, I think it's the bargain of the century. Dix and Kathlyn are wonderful, delightful artists so just look at the blessing that flowed from one little visit to the hospital. Here is their website: http://dixbaines.com/.
Well, you know I mentioned Bud earlier and I want to tell you just a bit about him because he's one of those people who leave a ripple effect of goodness that just keeps going. Bud's career profile reads like something from a very prestigious "Who's Who". The first part of his career he served in ever upward evolving positions for the Air Force until he ended up as the Air Force Civil Engineer. When he retired from the Air Force CH had the great privilege of hiring him and he served in such positions as President of our Transportion Group and Vice Chairman of the Board. Bud's real passion, though, is leadership development and at his retirement event last year we heard story after story about how people's lives had been changed because he has the gift of connecting with individuals at a heart level, teaching them the things that really matter, and then encouraging and mentoring them as they begin their upward spiral. I have seen Bud give the same attention to high school age people as he does to his distinguished colleagues and he has inspired and motivated so many, including me, to dig deeper, think more critically, care more deeply, and work harder. Those lessons, in turn, are passed to others so when I say that Bud has had a global effect I truly mean it since he's worked all over the world. His honors and distinctions literally take up pages and they haven't stopped yet. Bud was recently elected to the National Academy of Engineering, an honor awarded to very few professionals - he will be inducted in October. And, although Bud is retired now, he continues to serve as both a representive and ambassador for our company as he serves and attends his professional society functions and teaches in universities. I would count him among the top ten most influential people in my life, and there's another blessing - thank you, Bud!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Day 21-8 Introducing Roman!
Well, today and last but most definitely not least, is Roman Gabriel, 3 year old son of Kristen. Roman was diagnosed in utero with gastroechesis, a condition where part of his bowel was on the outside of his body. About 6 1/2 weeks before his due date he appeared to be in distress so was delivered early by C-section and had his first surgery just a few hours after he was born. A couple more followed with a long stint in the NICU unit at Presbyterian/St. Luke's. I remember looking through a photo album during some of the hours in the waiting room, and the thing that gave me so much hope was seeing those tiny little bodies in the NICU and then following them to birthday parties later in life. Roman was probably in the hospital more than not his first year and he was hooked up to a feeding pump for 20 out of 24 hours much of that time. But on Christmas Eve just after his first birthday on 12/1, Roman's little body suddenly started working and he began to improve. There were a couple more hospital stints the 2nd year and one problem they had was finding a way to put an IV in since his veins were all so scarred. So they decided to do a surgical implant of a port that went directly into his aorta, he had a little button just under the skin of his upper chest they could use to draw blood and give him what he needed. But praise God, he stayed healthy enough last year that the surgeon decided to remove his port and now, except for some scars, he appears perfectly healthy, happy, and has caught up or exceeded developmentally. So he's our little multi-million dollar miracle baby and we don't take a single day with him for granted. He was named for Roman Gabriel, a football player, and would make any athlete proud with his incredible coordination, energy, and love for all things "ball". I imagine, if he gets a chance, he will play them all. Also ranking high in his interests are cars, trains, and DINOSAURS! He knows and applies correctly all the long words like "Triceratops" and I told Kristen the other day, his vocabulary fascinates me. He doesn't always say the words clearly but always uses them correctly. He loves playing with his cousins at Nana and Papa's house, and they are here often! I have a cute story about a day at the 'Boo at the Zoo" - his other grandma bought him an incredible little gorilla costume and I happened to be holding him at the glassed-in area underneath the gorilla house and we were right up against the rail. This was an incredibly realistic-looking costume and the big daddy ape suddenly saw this tiny gorilla on the other side of the glass and came right up to it. He cocked his head and just stared at Ro for the longest time. Roman got so excited he started jumping up and down and people were just going nuts. Of course, the rest of the group was up top so we didn't get a photo of that one, it would have been priceless. Oh, and one other little note - Gabriel also means "may the glory of God be upon him". That was and remains my intense, thankful prayer for him.
So - you've met my three little musketeers, the loves of my life - they are most definitely one of the real blessings about being older.
By the way, just to set the record straight on my mom, no, she is not an angel, in fact, she's pretty salty, but that just makes her all the more interesting. She said to me once "I just have a curious brain" - yes, and that makes her lots of fun to be with. If we go anywhere together she still sees 10x as much as I do! So...I'm getting kind of used to these early morning posts, it's not so bad to have lots of extra hours when no one else is using the computer. Happy Monday, hope you all have a great week!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Day 20-7 Introducing Naomi!
Starting the countdown today, I have about a week to get my house in order, literally and figuratively. There are so many things to think of and prepare for, things we tend to put off almost indefinitely - like every adult should have a living will, power of attorney, regular will and that type of thing and I definitely need an effective catalyst to get me going on such things!
Today I'm introducing you to Naomi, our only grandaughter, 8 years old. Naomi is quite the adventurous one, not interested in dolls but definitely interested in all kinds of challenges. When she moved to Dillon a couple of years ago Mom heard a little "help, help" from the pine tree outdoors and she had managed to climb to the top of a 30' pine tree but couldn't quite figure out the way down. So she reminds me a lot of the tomboy I was and we enjoy the same things. She's into Nancy Drew and wants to be a detective. She is also feminine enough to dress up, enjoy her red glasses and her first trip to the beauty shop for a haircut (we had lots of fun on Friday). And she loved the shooting lessons! We'll wait until she's a little bigger and we have something a little smaller for her to shoot before we jump into that. She's ready to try out my kayak with me, had a blast on the ATV at the cabin and we're contemplating bow and arrow too. She has just as many guy friends as girls and is going through kind of a hard time now, missing her friends in Dillon. She and her mom are involved in Girl Scouts, though, and I told her it won't take long to get to know new friends there. You'll notice, though, she looks almost as comfortable in her dress up clothes at Cherokee Castle. She's an independent thinker too, what a welcome quality!
Naomi & Nana - the Red Glasses Girls! No worries, we're just posing!
Well, it's Sunday, our day of rest and Gary says he's making me rest today. He doesn't always win, though. On this very cool, rainy weekend I wanted to pass along the verse for you from Psalm 5:11-12:
"But let all who take refuge in you (the Lord) be glad, let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous, you surround them with your favor as with a shield." Have a blessed day!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Day 19-6 Introducing Isaiah!
Whew... had the visit yesterday with my surgeon. Really liked him a lot, thank you, Lord, for good doctors! It's scheduled for next Friday the 19th, late afternoon, "craniotomy for diagnosis and resection of brain tumor". Very scary words, and I couldn't manage to read through the potential risks and complications, I chose the ostrich syndrome instead. It will involve a day or so in intensive care, a few days in the hospital, six weeks recovery time and three months without driving. Ugh, the not driving part is really throwing me for a loop. All you dear people who have asked for some way to help may actually get to do just that! But I did get the good news that I won't lose that much hair so won't have to get a wig after all and he said I really shouldn't worry any more about the biopsy report because they will need to do the lab studies on a far bigger piece than they could ever have gotten with just the biopsy. Will likely need a very targeted radiation therapy afterward but I'm ok with that, too. I love the idea of not losing my hair! My boundless energy and sleepless nights are apparently a side effect of the steroids and I guess it's good to know that, too.
I wanted to introduce you to Isaiah today, our first grandchild, son of Kendra, who is now 11 years old. Isaiah became enamored the last couple of years with the history of the US, its founding fathers, and all things presidential. He recited our presidents in order of service for his talent show last year, has lots of books and posters about them, knows much more about them than most adults would know, and got to see Mt. Rushmore last year. He dressed as Benjamin Franklin two years ago for Halloween and last year was Abraham Lincoln. He had his own "presidential office" in a corner of his classroom at his school in Summit County and has the lofty aspiration to BE the president one day! He loves going camping with us at Creede in July, loves to read, and loves video games - plus he has a beautifully tender heart, a wonderful laugh, and gorgeous eyes!
Chuck Swindoll (CS) talked this morning about perseverence. He used the illustration of Thomas Edison, who had over 700 failures before his breakthrough and he says "If necessity is the mother of invention, persistence is certainly the father." I don't know about you, but I struggle sometimes with whether, when I seem to be up against a brick wall God is trying to develop my character through perseverence or close a door and I think that's sometimes difficult to know. There's no doubt, though, that for most of us it's a struggle to "keep on keeping on" when perseverence requires discipline, commitment, and determination. May I encourage you in something today? Is there something you need to persevere in? It could be exercise, diet choices, relationships, development, most anything that's really hard to do - how about making a commitment to try again?...and again....and again.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Day 18-5
There is something extraordinary that happens when we are suddenly lifted from the norm of life - from all the demands and schedules and the to-do list that only grows more compressed as we find less and less time to deal with it. I feel like I'm in some kind of limbo-land with all this waiting, just floating above all the ordinary things that my day usually brings. I was talking with my friend, Pam, the other day and told her it's the strangest thing, I seem almost to have new eyes and ears because I'm not in such a rush all the time. I chat with the checker in the store and really see and hear them. I take time to talk or walk with neighbors without once looking at a watch I haven't worn in the last few days. I play with the grandchildren without one agonized glance at my schedule or the pile of work to do. There is a heightened awareness of life and beauty, but also of pain, I can almost literally see and feel it in people I run across. That's not a bad thing, no matter what brings it about and I know it's not unusual, have heard the same thing from others who are suddenly facing their own mortality in a different way. Two of my "praying sisters" brought me lunch yesterday - thank you again, Chris and Susan. For every one of you who ever reads this, I wish, hope, and pray for you to have friends like this. I told them yesterday I wasn't sure I'd have made it through the first two weeks without them and Susan wisely responded that if it hadn't been them, God would have provided someone else. True, but how glad I am to have you! Chris is not only a dear friend, but a firearms instructor and the one who got me into sharpshooting. Some of my friends at CH2M HILL have taken her classes and if anyone is interested just let me know, I'll get her information to you.
So...still waiting on the biopsy results but I do have my surgical appointment this morning so will hope to have some answers today. I want to attach a couple of pxs to introduce you to my family - my beautiful Mom and daughters, and my wonderful son. These were taken at Christmas last year, courtesy of Laura Reeves, who works at CH and moonlights in photography - she does great work and gives you all your photos on a CD so let me know if you're interested in reaching her for a photo session.
Let's start with my Mom, and I did warn you I was going to brag just a bit. She's 88 years young and one of the most vital, active people I know - the type who skiied between her two knee replacements and finally switched to snowshoeing after a hip replacement and revision. Don't get mad at me for this Mom, but she now spends a great deal of her time blessing friends and neighbors who are far less active than she - with rides to the Dr. or shopping, outings, mending, whatever needs doing. She has knit thousands of items for Denver Health as a volunteer, is skilled in nearly every art form I know of and here is just an example. When my folks lived in Montana, for the first time they had a small acreage and put a few sheep on it. My Mom decided to learn to spin wool so my Dad built her a wool-carding machine and a spinning wheel, she gathered natural things to dye the wools and then made the most incredible boutique items with them. Our son Kevin works as a Federal agent in Michigan now and would love to make his way back to Colorado before too long. He's single and looking, but probably not hard enough to satisfy his sisters. Our very favorite eldest daughter, Kristen, is in the red, mom to our dear Roman, whom you'll meet soon, and she works as a mortgage loan processor. And our very favorite middle daughter, Kendra, is in the black, mom to Isaiah and Naomi, our other grandchildren. She works for Vail Resorts, just moved from Keystone to Broomfield and is getting settled there.
So...I can't believe it's here already, but Happy Friday and I hope you all have a WONDERFUL weekend!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Day 17-4
The flyleaf of the devotional I'm currently using, Come Before Winter...and Share My Hope by Chuck Swindoll says (of its sections) "Before Winter...preparation...learning how to face the "winters" of life, confronting the challenge of rising doubts and apprehension." and then "Mid-Winter's Blast"...perseverance...enduring those numbing days when adversity howls across our personal landscape like a cold north wind." A number of months ago when I started it (my morning reading time is sporadic, I'm sorry to say) I distinctly remember wondering what my winter would be and when it would come. In the amazing and perfect timing God has, yesterday's entry ended the "Before Winter" section and today's begins the "Midwinter's Blast". I'm not making this up, and I share it because it's another reminder that no matter how I may fail to do what I can and should, God is always, always there at just the right time with just the exactly right resources I need. Yesterday's entry asked us to look at Lamentations 3 and choose one or two verses to focus on. Mine were verses 32 and 33 "Though he (the Lord) brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." Isn't that beautiful? And I believe it with all my heart. Chuck Swindoll, by the way, is one of my favorite authors - he writes insightfully and incisively, with a depth of wisdom, passion, humor, and command of the language greater than I've found in any other. I would recommend his work without hesitation to the brilliant people I work with and for, no matter what your personal beliefs may be.
So...I'm still waiting to see what the "Almanac" predicts for this winter of mine. No final biopsy results yet, no appt yet with the surgeon. God has me in an immersion course on patience. I was talking with my son last night about patience and he said "yeah, that's not my strong suit either. But I figure if I haven't needed it by now I probably won't." Dangerous words, methinks! and of course, he didn't really mean it (did you, Kevin?!) So we'll see what today brings - hoping and praying it will bring blessing to each and every one of you dear people who take the time from your busy day to read this.
By the way, I did set up a new personal email account for this blog site and you're welcome to use it if you wish. It's fine to continue to send to my work email as well.
So...I'm still waiting to see what the "Almanac" predicts for this winter of mine. No final biopsy results yet, no appt yet with the surgeon. God has me in an immersion course on patience. I was talking with my son last night about patience and he said "yeah, that's not my strong suit either. But I figure if I haven't needed it by now I probably won't." Dangerous words, methinks! and of course, he didn't really mean it (did you, Kevin?!) So we'll see what today brings - hoping and praying it will bring blessing to each and every one of you dear people who take the time from your busy day to read this.
By the way, I did set up a new personal email account for this blog site and you're welcome to use it if you wish. It's fine to continue to send to my work email as well.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Day 16-3
Wow, what an outpouring of love and support I received yesterday! Even the CEO of our huge company sent me a note, and I received one from someone I've never met and I felt honored. Somehow the message is being sent on to those who weren't on my list and for those of you who have asked, of course I don't mind that, I'll take all the prayers and good wishes I can get right now. The experience yesterday reminded me of some words I wrote my dear sister, Marilyn, two years ago this month when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. It went something like this: "God gave me a mind-picture once that our lives are kind of like buckets. Sometimes our buckets are all shiny and new and strong, and they firmly hold all the love and grace God pours into them and it fills them up and splashes out in blessing on those around us. But sometimes our buckets get rusty, bent, battered, and full of holes. It may feel we can hold nothing, much less be a blessing to someone. But at those times, God's love comes like a gentle, mighty river, surrounds and lifts us, and carries us along. We are no less filled with him, no less loved, cared for, cherished and blessed when we don't feel right or look right or do or say or think all the "right" things." Yesterday I realized, and this is a no-brainer, really, it's just that I've never been on the receiving end of it, every one of you who expressed your good wishes and support are part of that mighty river. It's a truly remarkable thing to experience and I'm so blessed by it - thank you again.
Well, I got 6 hours of sleep last night - twice the norm for the last few weeks! Have you ever thought about what a blessing sleep is? My guess is that if you've ever done without it, at least you recognize that the lack of it feels somewhat like a curse. I've always envied those who can get by on 5-6 hours a night but I've sure never been one of them. Did you know the birds start singing at about 3:30 am? Puts a whole new spin on "early bird". The surgeon's office did call yesterday so I should hear this morning about when I can see him and that will be one more step forward. Am hoping to delay this long enough to see my son, who's ready to come visit as soon as I call, yay! I'll introduce you to my beautiful kids and grands soon, I've never been a braggy mom or grandma, but fair warning, I'm about to be.
Well, I got 6 hours of sleep last night - twice the norm for the last few weeks! Have you ever thought about what a blessing sleep is? My guess is that if you've ever done without it, at least you recognize that the lack of it feels somewhat like a curse. I've always envied those who can get by on 5-6 hours a night but I've sure never been one of them. Did you know the birds start singing at about 3:30 am? Puts a whole new spin on "early bird". The surgeon's office did call yesterday so I should hear this morning about when I can see him and that will be one more step forward. Am hoping to delay this long enough to see my son, who's ready to come visit as soon as I call, yay! I'll introduce you to my beautiful kids and grands soon, I've never been a braggy mom or grandma, but fair warning, I'm about to be.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Day 15-2
Day 15 of my journey, 2nd on my blog. I honestly feel like I received a "get out of jail free" card yesterday. After a long wait in the oncologist's office yesterday afternoon we learned that one of the pathologists at Swedish now thinks the tumor is a meningioma - that is, a mostly benign form of tumor rather than a sarcoma. It will still likely be several days before there are final reports, but the news was enough to lift what felt like a 50 lb boulder from my shoulders since the likelihood of having to have chemo is now greatly diminished, thank God. The plan now is to have the surgery as soon as possible so I hope to get that consult set up even today. This experience has really reinforced the power of networks - how thankful I am that these superb physicians have them! And as John said, how quickly our perspectives can change. Had someone told me two weeks ago I needed major surgery on my face it would have been devastating news. Yesterday it was the best I could have hoped for.
I had the loveliest morning with my Mom yesterday - a quiet walk along the Highline Canal trail off Colorado Blvd - a precious little country oasis in the middle of our big city. So I had time to connect deeply with her, and with my two beautiful daughters (and dear husband, of course) who joined me for the long medical vigil. So it was a day blessed with several of those only-things-that-really-count. Thank you, Lord.
I had the loveliest morning with my Mom yesterday - a quiet walk along the Highline Canal trail off Colorado Blvd - a precious little country oasis in the middle of our big city. So I had time to connect deeply with her, and with my two beautiful daughters (and dear husband, of course) who joined me for the long medical vigil. So it was a day blessed with several of those only-things-that-really-count. Thank you, Lord.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Day 14 - 1 6/7/10
This is the 14th day of my journey, 1st day on the blogsite. Found out two weeks ago today about the large tumor behind my eye and we still don't know for sure just what it is, but hope to get some answers today. For those wondering how it came to be diagnosed, I've had some swelling around my right eye for a few months and about three weeks ago had a sudden loss of near vision in just one week. Went to the eye doctor and then began the rounds of tests. It's really surprising how quickly things happen when there's an initial diagnosis of "osteosarcoma". I had the MRI on the 24th, saw the oncologist the 25th, more CT scans the 26th, spent the 27th in a nerve-wracking waiting game, had the long holiday weekend, got an appt with a neurosurgeon on the 1st, had to tell my kids and family that night before having a biopsy in the OR on the 2nd and then started the waiting game again so we'll see what today brings. Telling my family and waiting have been, by far, the hardest things to do. I do still look like a candidate for a battered women's shelter but it's getting better every day - plus, I have some sexy new big sunglasses!
So - the journey is to share my thoughts and information for those who have interest, without bombarding anyone with emails. I have to say this whole thing still seems surreal. Were it not for the black eye and stitches, I would look in the mirror and say I'm perfectly healthy. There was no pain before the biopsy but they had to drill into the bone so there's a little residual hurting from that. I still have energy and strength and feel perfectly fine, so thank-you, Lord, for that. It's funny because I was talking with John (my wonderful boss) just a couple of months ago and asked him what he would do with his life if he found out he had just a year to live. I said I would probably quit work right away but of course, the reality of that is impossible since I need insurance. But you know what? I can't wait to get back to work and long for things to just be normal again. I have a great job in a wonderful company (CH2M HILL, an environmental engineering that makes a really good difference all over the world, 24,000 people and I think about 300 offices globally), I have wonderful friends there and so much enjoy what I do, offering support to our Chief Human Resources Officer and to our Senior HR leadership team and I really hope to be back there as soon as possible.
Part of the journey, of course, is emotional and spiritual and I wanted to tell you about just a couple of the ways God has prepared me for this. I listen to KPOF, 91Am in the mornings and a couple of months ago they featured a new album called "Hidden in the Heart" - a lullaby journey through scripture. What I heard touched my heart so much that I had the album on my "to do" list to buy and when I learned of this last week, went right online, ordered it and had it the next day or two. The night I first got the diagnosis I couldn't sleep and when I went up to get ready for work, for some reason my radio was on and playing. It was a woman singing a prayer over her children, and it honestly seemed as if God himself were singing over me. I bought that one too, it's by Rachel Aldous, the CD is called "Transform Me" and the song I was referring to is Hannah's song at the end. Both of those CDs have been an incredible blessing so far. They do make me cry, but you know, I'm not crying over having this, I only shed a few tears of fear the very first night when I had to tell Gary. I weep when I feel love - the love of God, of family, of friends. To love and be loved is absolutely the only thing that counts in this world. I had three dear and precious "sisters" praying for me since almost the beginning and now have so many more. So to all who are, thank you so much. My deepest desire is to honor God in the way I deal with this so even though I would love to be healed, that has not been my prayer so far. May I encourage you in something, though? Think today about what you would do with your life if you had a year to live. No, don't run out and quit your job. Instead, realize how incredibly blessed you are to have a job right now and do your absolute BEST for your boss today. Enjoy your family, even if it means a messy house. Take time today to do something you love, just for yourself. Open your heart to the beauty and the wonder of this world around and thank God for what you have. There's a verse I want to share with you that's posted right now above my kitchen sink from Romans 15:13:
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Sprit."
So - the journey is to share my thoughts and information for those who have interest, without bombarding anyone with emails. I have to say this whole thing still seems surreal. Were it not for the black eye and stitches, I would look in the mirror and say I'm perfectly healthy. There was no pain before the biopsy but they had to drill into the bone so there's a little residual hurting from that. I still have energy and strength and feel perfectly fine, so thank-you, Lord, for that. It's funny because I was talking with John (my wonderful boss) just a couple of months ago and asked him what he would do with his life if he found out he had just a year to live. I said I would probably quit work right away but of course, the reality of that is impossible since I need insurance. But you know what? I can't wait to get back to work and long for things to just be normal again. I have a great job in a wonderful company (CH2M HILL, an environmental engineering that makes a really good difference all over the world, 24,000 people and I think about 300 offices globally), I have wonderful friends there and so much enjoy what I do, offering support to our Chief Human Resources Officer and to our Senior HR leadership team and I really hope to be back there as soon as possible.
Part of the journey, of course, is emotional and spiritual and I wanted to tell you about just a couple of the ways God has prepared me for this. I listen to KPOF, 91Am in the mornings and a couple of months ago they featured a new album called "Hidden in the Heart" - a lullaby journey through scripture. What I heard touched my heart so much that I had the album on my "to do" list to buy and when I learned of this last week, went right online, ordered it and had it the next day or two. The night I first got the diagnosis I couldn't sleep and when I went up to get ready for work, for some reason my radio was on and playing. It was a woman singing a prayer over her children, and it honestly seemed as if God himself were singing over me. I bought that one too, it's by Rachel Aldous, the CD is called "Transform Me" and the song I was referring to is Hannah's song at the end. Both of those CDs have been an incredible blessing so far. They do make me cry, but you know, I'm not crying over having this, I only shed a few tears of fear the very first night when I had to tell Gary. I weep when I feel love - the love of God, of family, of friends. To love and be loved is absolutely the only thing that counts in this world. I had three dear and precious "sisters" praying for me since almost the beginning and now have so many more. So to all who are, thank you so much. My deepest desire is to honor God in the way I deal with this so even though I would love to be healed, that has not been my prayer so far. May I encourage you in something, though? Think today about what you would do with your life if you had a year to live. No, don't run out and quit your job. Instead, realize how incredibly blessed you are to have a job right now and do your absolute BEST for your boss today. Enjoy your family, even if it means a messy house. Take time today to do something you love, just for yourself. Open your heart to the beauty and the wonder of this world around and thank God for what you have. There's a verse I want to share with you that's posted right now above my kitchen sink from Romans 15:13:
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Sprit."
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