Bump in the Road

I couldn't resist - just one more little px of Rosita - and this is my last week with her! It's been fun and I'm SO grateful for all the rides friends and family have given me but I get to start driving a week from tomorrow and can't wait.

Well, I had my first followup visit with the neurosurgeon a few weeks ago and learned that the bump I still have is spinal fluid. We're not sure whether it's from an active leak or just residual from after the surgery so we'll just watch and wait for the next few months. I did learn that the brain produces spinal fluid and the membrane holds it in. The brain floats in that fluid and if something causes a drop in the fluid level the brain can settle on the temporal bones and cause ginormous headaches - that's why they keep people flat for awhile after a lumbar puncture. Because my bone tumor was right up against the brain on the back side of the orbit it created a large hole in the membrane, and with the removal of so much of the bone there was nothing to attach the titanium mesh to - at least that's my limited understanding of it. It wasn't happy news at first because we thought it was going to require another craniotomy to repair it - but we learned there's a good chance (over 50%) that it won't require that and of course, it's what we're really hoping and praying for. The plan is to wait until late Nov for an MRI, see the surgeon again in early Dec and go from there. For those of you who have prayed me through this I really ask for your prayers about this as well - I can hardly stand the thought of another brain surgery right now.

We saw more trees changing color this week and it's almost time to pick apples again, we have quite the bumper crop so there will be an applesauce-making day coming up soon. That cooking-apple fragrance, plus that of the fresh roasted chili peppers is the song of autumn to our noses! And I do love these beautiful fall days, it just doesn't get any better, I don't think - am hoping we hang onto this weather for a couple more months. Am not anxious at all for the winter months.

Sent with love and best wishes to each of you and especially to our Jewish friends who are celebrating the high holidays (I call them holy days).

Val

Check This Out!!

What do you think of my new wheels?!! OK, not mine, but it's what I get to ride to work in every morning. My friend, Eleanor, owns it, lives near me, works at CH, has been kind enough to offer me rides each morning, and we share a common love for racing. She, however, is much further down the speedway than I since she really does race this beautiful little Porsche at High Plains Raceway. I have to be happy with memories of our little Javelin on a straightaway in Wyoming and street drags - oh, yeah, Mom, I forgot to tell you about that. Seriously, I never had a good enough car of my own to race but borrowed Gary's when we were first married a few times - oh, yeah, hon, I also forgot to tell you about that - and then we got our little AMC Javelin and had fun with it for a few years. Anyway, how lucky could I be? I told Eleanor I'm not so sure I even want to drive again! I have to say a shiny little red Porsche convertible is eye-catching, I've never been looked at so much in my life, it's kind of fun. And thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, Eleanor, for all the rides! I really am anxious to drive again, though, only 3 more weeks, I can't wait - there's something very sweetly satisfying about getting back to normal routines again.

So - I missed an entire week on this blog site so I think that means either I'm getting better or getting busier - or quite probably, both. In fact, I have my first week of full time work under the belt and it's going pretty well, even with our move - and it's been great to see so many of my old friends again. We survived another computer crash at home and I should have entitled this "NOTE to SELF - BACK UP COMPUTER!!!" Wouldn't you think it would take just one time to learn that lesson? No, because when our computer is back up again I get busy again, think it will last forever again, etc etc. This time, however, we actually did back up some of our files the night before it crashed so we at least still have our pxs - we lost several years' worth earlier this year and that was heartbreaking.

Well, if anyone is still reading this blog I wish you a good week in every way. Hope it brings good health, happiness, close and good relationships, satisfaction in work and also some fun.

Blessings!

from Val

Red Letter Day!

This was really a turning-point day for me - worked in the office this morning, at home all afternoon, it's 5:10 pm, I had no nap for the FIRST day since my first surgery AND I still have some energy! Wow - I know every day won't be this good but it's wonderful to feel a little more back to normal.

Well, I promised to tell you if the flu kit worked and it did work wonders so here it is:

• Occillococcinum homeopathic granules - an OTC remedy for flu that comes in little tubes of tiny white beads that almost look and taste like candy


• Immu-Guard - a blend of essential oils by Julia Rose Botanicals


• Bio D Mulsion Forte -a suspension that contains 2000 units of Vitamin D per pea-sized drop


• Dried Elderberries - you make a tea out of these

I purchased the kit last winter from Clinix and was using all the remedies at once last Sunday so am not sure what helped the most but I was able to work Monday from home and was back in the office by Tuesday. I've never had a bad flu before that went away that quickly so am just thankful for whatever it was that helped! It was great to see many friends again at CH2M HILL and begin to ease back into my work schedule. I won't have a regular routine until I'm able to drive again, but at least I'm moving in the right direction.

I read something when we were at Creede that I wanted to share with you - again, this is from Chuck Swindoll's book Come Before Winter. In the entry entitled "The Ghost of Ephraim" he speaks of the Ephraimites - those trained in bow and arrow who had all the resources and none of the guts. They looked great but had no substance, no strength. Instead, they ran on the opening day of battle. He writes: "The sons of Ephraim loved Memorial Day and target practice, but as soon as the going got tough, they ran...discipline and guts were nasty words... Their watchword was ease and their slogan was "Make a Good Appearance". Ephraimites live on, you know. They have invaded the ranks...and until difficulty comes, you cannot spot them. (When) the hot rays of hardship beat upon their back they melt like butter on a hot burner...they opt for the easy way out. They want a medicine man with a quick cure, not direct advice to repent, reestablish biblical relationships, and restore God's method for living. ...many of today's citizens would rather...quit... The quitting habit creates a strange undertow which complicates rather than corrects our difficulties. Before long we begin to resemble Rome in its last days - a magnificent mask of outward, impressive stature... devoid of inner strength...desperately lacking in discipline and determination. There is not an achievement worth remembering that isn't stained with the blood of diligence and etched with the scars of disappointment. To run, to quit, to escape, even to hide solves nothing...it only postpones a reckoning with reality. If you don't like the heat, stay in the kitchen and learn to handle it!"

How very true and how applicable to so many situations today. But it was a reminder of something I've struggled with and at the risk of complicating things too much, I'll tell you that my dilemma has sometimes been this question: when is God trying to develop my perseverance and strength of character by allowing setbacks, problems, crises, etc. and when is he, instead, closing the door and telling me to let something go and turn my time, energy, and focus elsewhere? There are some "givens" I think - such as aiming to always give my best at work and taking responsibility for the welfare and well-being of children in my home. There's no question that I'll "keep on keeping on" no matter how many setbacks there are. But where something hangs in the balance or a potentially life-changing decision needs to be made, how can I be so sure of what I think I should do that I won't be deterred by anything that gets in the way? And especially if my husband and I have really prayed about a major decision but are not in agreement? What I experienced in the last case is that God cares far more about the intentions of my heart than exactly which decision we make or direction we take. He always honors a willing, submissive, obedient heart and will bring blessing and good out of either choice. One of our ministers helped, too, by describing the Christian life as a playing field. The Bible establishes the boundaries of the field. Within it, as players, we may each have a different role, but the field is wide open - we can run full force in whatever direction we think we should go, as long as we stay within the boundaries. Granted, there are many things that might change our direction - but we don't need to expend a lot of energy trying to figure out precisely what steps to take, when.

But I'd love to open this question up and get your feedback - if you've experienced a similar problem how have you dealt with it? What has helped you know whether a setback is a character-building play or an indication that you should quit the game and turn your attention elsewhere? I'd love to get your thoughts on that. I know many of you have had trouble posting a response on this blogsite. I think if you click the little envelope on the right side of the window at the end of this post you can send me an email - or, just email directly to: vvwzoet@hotmail.com.

I wish each of you a wonderful week!

Val

Back to Work!

I'm WAY behind on this, not sure anyone is reading it anymore but I did intend to get something posted when we returned from Creede. Had a great time, and I'll attach some pictures from that trip. Motorhome was so nice, that really does make traveling (and camping!) much more pleasant. Now we suddenly we find ourselves nearly at the end of summer, with school starting soon or already in session for some. I can't say it was a summer I enjoyed, but on the plus side, at least I hope to be around to enjoy the next one!

Tomorrow is a big day - back to work half time! At least I hope so, had to leave during the service this morning, got hit hard and suddenly with what seems to be the flu. The psalmist, David, wrote in Ps 22 (this is from the Living Bible, vs 14-15) "My strength has drained away like water, all my bones are out of joint. My heart melts like wax, my strength has dried up like sun baked clay..." I bet he had the flu. Add chills to the point of shivering and I could really relate. But I got out my "flu kit" purchased from Clinix last year, some homeopathic remedies and it really does seem to be helping so much - I'll wait until tomorrow and let you know how it works but the one thing I can recommend without hesitation is an OTC by the name of "Oscillococcinum". My friend at work, Sue Saurber, told me about it last winter so I bought enough for all my family and a couple of others besides and the testimonials just from the people I know are pretty amazing. I'm not sure it would be in the miracle drug category, but it sure does seem to help nasty flu symptoms - this is the first time I've had the flu since I learned about it. Problem is, I gave all mine away - fortunately there were 3 tubes of it in the flu kit, thank God for that. I'll be purchasing some more really soon!

Well, dear friends, in case any of you are still checking in on this blog, I have to say I hope with all my heart I won't need to write every day - maybe a once-a-week update will be enough. There are always fun and interesting things (at least to me) that I love to share, so I'll probably keep this up. How can I thank all of you enough for loving and praying me through this, providing support in so many ways far beyond - truly! - what I would ever have dreamed of. I'm not sure I could have made it without that. Thanks to my dear husband who has put up with so much and been my steady rock, to my kids for their time and love and visits, to friends who helped Gary walk this road, to so many who provided meals and household and yard help, to my beautiful Mom for her constant love, prayers, and practical help, to my sisters and brothers for their love and support in SO many ways, to my friends at CH2M HILL and especially John and Monica, to all of you who have held me up with your friendship and prayers. I am so amazingly, incredibly blessed by all of you.

Our minister at the church I used to attend always said at the end of the service, "Go out and make it a good day." I love that - it's a choice each one of us can make each day. I hope we can all go out and make it a good week! And I hope it is one for all of us.

One more verse to leave with you from Ps 9:9-10

"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you for you, O Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." I give my thanks to Him as well!

Sent with love,

Val

PS - the album pages didn't display the way I wanted them to so I doubt you can read any of the text or captions. If anyone wants to see the full size pages, let me know and I'll email them separately.

Quick Update

How wonderful it's been to be home more than a week...and be able to go out to dinner one day...and breakfast another... and lunch another. Each excursion builds up my endurance and it's great to do things normal people do! So much enjoyed going to church last Sunday, our pastor had a great sermon on fear. They showed a little video clip from Monsters Inc - what's behind the door? Our fears are probably as varied as we are and I have to say right now I do have a fear of not getting better - or of getting something else. I think, hope, and pray I will never take good health and strength for granted again as long as I live. I loved the end of the sermon, though, and hope I'm expressing this in the way he meant. One of the best ways to fight fear is to distance yourself from fear and worry-mongers and seek fellowship with hope-mongers. I guess it's another way of saying accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. So basic... so critical... so hard sometimes to remember and practice.

Well, Kevin came in again last night and he and Gary are out to pick up the RV Gary rented for my comfort to take to Creede tomorrow. No tent trailer this time and I have to say I'm really looking forward to it. We stay at a campground about 30 miles above the town of Creede, and about 2 miles below the Rio Grande reservoir, right on the Rio Grande river. It borders the Weminuche wilderness area, a fantastic place for hikers and so incredibly beautiful. Gary's family along with some aunts, uncles, cousins, stayed there every summer I think at least 40 years in a row. Then when we had a family we continued the tradition and have spent a week there so many times. Have reconciled myself to the fact that I have to just rest up there and it's ok but it took me awhile to get here! I usually get my fishing fix for the year there, we fish every day and I love it so much. Will hope to be really back to nomal next summer and able to do the hikes we do to get to the best fishing areas.

I happened the other day across a list I made years ago about what I liked and didn't like about my life and what I wanted to do about it. One thing listed was the absence of fun - I'm so happy to say that I really have done something about that. I know I mentioned this before, but a couple of years ago I started sharpshooting, which I love - started piano lessons a year ago, bought an ATV which we haven't used yet as much as I'd like to but have had much fun on it so far - and got a kayak this year, which sadly has not yet been used - but it will be! You know, all work and no play really does make for dullness so for those of you stuck there, think about some way you can add fun to your life. NOT something someone else wants you to do - something you want to do just for yourself. It's not selfish, it's energizing and does so much to help you keep going and giving - yes, kind of like the Energizer bunny.

There is no cell or internet coverage where we're going so I'll check back in when we return next week - someone is watching the house while we're away but can't give updates on the blog. Hope you all have a great, safe, happy, and FUN weekend!

Freedom

Well, first of all, I see that my link to the walking sites didn't come through so I'm sorry about that. If you're interested it was "trailsdenver.com". There are so many more, just do a Google search to see them. Was thinking today about freedom and the opposite, which are all the things that bind us and keep us from experiencing freedom. When I was working with someone many years ago she asked me one day "Val, what would it take for you to know freedom?" and it was such a startling question that I asked her where it came from. Shortly after that I came across a verse in Ps 119:32 "I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." Ever since then I've wanted to run! Not physically, my body won't let me do that anymore, but in every other way to be and feel free - and I'll admit, I haven't made it yet.

From time to time I think about all the shackles we have, some that we put on ourselves, that keep us from running. It's heart-wrenching to me when I see on TV a prisoner shuffling in with shackles - to think that we would put them on ourselves is nearly unbelievable, yet I think nearly every one of us does it. One way to know what those are is to think about where we spend our time and our money. For many, it's long work hours, for some food or even the lack of it, same with exercise. For many it's pornography or alcohol or drugs - anything that consumes us and keeps us from being who we really want to be. And my point is that whether the shackle comes from a positive thing like work or a negative thing like drugs, it keeps us from running.

It's a good thing to think about and really be honest with yourself - do you know freedom? If not, do you want to? If you have interest, there are some verses you might be interested in looking up: Psalm 118:5; Psalm 119:45; Psalm 146:7; John 8: 32 and 34-36; Galatians 5:1.

Here's to true freedom for all of us!

If you can't beat 'em

Join 'em! I decided to stop whining about being "only" able to walk and learn more about my walking options. For those of you outside Denver, my apologies, but for those in Denver, there's a wealth of info available online. I've included a link to one site but there are so many more that may be even better. I was born and raised in Denver and have spent most of my life here, but there are so many places I haven't seen. So we're going to do a little exploring and if we find something really great especially for walking, I'll let you know. I went in for a post-op visit today and as we were waiting, a young man came in with his parents in a brand-new quadriplegic wheelchair. Another of God's gentle reminders about blessings.

I was thinking today that my journey may not be quite as long as I thought it would be, especially since I don't need chemo. Besides which, I'm really tired of being the focus of this site and would imagine you are as well! I love writing, but am asking for your feedback, please, about whether I should continue the blog. I've thought about adding a "prayer, please" section which could be anonymous or not and if you have a story you'd like me to share, would be happy to do that. If the blog is a blessing to you and you'd like me to continue it would you just drop me a quick note? I know some of you have had trouble leaving comments on the blog site so you may just use my email address instead: vvwzoet@hotmail.com. Note it begins with two "v"s, which sometimes look like a "w". Thanks much, dear friends.
Val

Time

Nearly all my working life I've focused each day on how much I can accomplish with the time I have. Have you heard of the Calvinist work ethic? It was so strong in our home that I would have no chance of getting away from its influence, even if I wanted to. But my personal focus regarding accomplishments has been more on "what" than on "who". In the little tests you can do that tell whether you're more task or people oriented, tasks win out every time. That's not to say I don't care about people, because I truly do, but I'm so task oriented that at the end of each day I would mentally assess how much was accomplished - and that also determined, to a great extent, my sense of worth.

These days I don't so much focus on what I can't do as try to remember all the things I shouldn't do, which seems like most everything. Even the reading I love and computer time are curtailed because of eyestrain. So if my value is based on my accomplishments, I'm virtually worthless right now - my innate sense of value got tipped upside down, to say the least.

It got me thinking again about time - the one thing we all have in equal measure. For nearly the first month I knew about the tumor, I was told it was a sarcoma - a deadly form of cancer. I didn't know what the treatment options were or whether I would choose to use them and didn't know how long I would live. Literally overnight I came to the deep realization that the only thing of real importance is people - relationships with the people I love and those with whom God has allowed me to share my life. All the "things" faded to insignificance, except for some thought about to whom I should leave them.

How much more of a spotlight could there be on my own erroneous way of thinking? Even though I don't impose my own standards on others in terms of value, it has to be in there somewhere - that our value as human beings is related to what we offer, what we accomplish, with the obvious conclusion about those who, as adults, can offer nothing. It's a way of thinking that leads down a road many of our leaders would love to see us use...to a world where healthcare and the right to live is determined by someone's interpretation of value or worth. I pray God will change my own heart and way of thinking about how I spend my time each day - that no matter what I can or can't "do" I'll remember to look into His eyes of love and see myself reflected there, cherished and loved not because of what I can offer, but simply because I am - and I am His.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.

Major Detour

You really never know what a new day will bring - as Kristen already reported, a week ago today I went to the ER at SkyRidge because my feet and legs were getting more swollen. Multiple clots in both legs, worse on the right was the diagnosis so they admitted me again, that was honestly the last thing I expected. While I was on the gurney in the ER I started having some bad back pain and thought it was from the ER bed. It continued that night after they moved me upstairs and just grew steadily worse, severe pain across my low back and down both legs, to the point I was counting the minutes until I could have more narcotics. It was all consuming, I couldn't think, could barely talk, couldn't sleep, couldn't escape it except for the edge that was taken off when I received IV narcotics. I couldn't even pray, except to groan Oh, God, help me. I can't even imagine, and don't want to know what it would have been like without all your prayers. The steroid injection finally relieved the pain and the good thing that happened is that the pain shifted from my head to my back and the bad head pain I had hasn't come back so now I'm almost completely off narcotics! You can't imagine the freedom I feel unless you've been there too.

I got to go home again Saturday, and how wonderful it is, again, to be here. I'm surrounded by tangible evidence of care and love from so many - beautiful cards, flowers, meals - all part of that mighty, gentle river I mentioned before. And I am working on thank you notes, I'm so sorry those are taking so long to get done but I wanted to thank each one of you again for your expressions of love and support, for your prayers. I am blessed. I wanted to leave you today with words from an old hymn, another that's been of such comfort these last few weeks especially.

Be Still My Soul

Katharina von Schlegel - 1700s

Be still my soul – the Lord is on thy side;

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul – thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul, thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul, the waves and winds still know,

His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still my soul, the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still my soul, when change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed – we shall meet at last.

With love,
Val

My Mom just met with the Dr....her MRI from this morning shows two bulging discs in her lower back. They will treat with a steroid injection today and re-evaluate whether she can go home tomorrow.

Kristen