Time

Nearly all my working life I've focused each day on how much I can accomplish with the time I have. Have you heard of the Calvinist work ethic? It was so strong in our home that I would have no chance of getting away from its influence, even if I wanted to. But my personal focus regarding accomplishments has been more on "what" than on "who". In the little tests you can do that tell whether you're more task or people oriented, tasks win out every time. That's not to say I don't care about people, because I truly do, but I'm so task oriented that at the end of each day I would mentally assess how much was accomplished - and that also determined, to a great extent, my sense of worth.

These days I don't so much focus on what I can't do as try to remember all the things I shouldn't do, which seems like most everything. Even the reading I love and computer time are curtailed because of eyestrain. So if my value is based on my accomplishments, I'm virtually worthless right now - my innate sense of value got tipped upside down, to say the least.

It got me thinking again about time - the one thing we all have in equal measure. For nearly the first month I knew about the tumor, I was told it was a sarcoma - a deadly form of cancer. I didn't know what the treatment options were or whether I would choose to use them and didn't know how long I would live. Literally overnight I came to the deep realization that the only thing of real importance is people - relationships with the people I love and those with whom God has allowed me to share my life. All the "things" faded to insignificance, except for some thought about to whom I should leave them.

How much more of a spotlight could there be on my own erroneous way of thinking? Even though I don't impose my own standards on others in terms of value, it has to be in there somewhere - that our value as human beings is related to what we offer, what we accomplish, with the obvious conclusion about those who, as adults, can offer nothing. It's a way of thinking that leads down a road many of our leaders would love to see us use...to a world where healthcare and the right to live is determined by someone's interpretation of value or worth. I pray God will change my own heart and way of thinking about how I spend my time each day - that no matter what I can or can't "do" I'll remember to look into His eyes of love and see myself reflected there, cherished and loved not because of what I can offer, but simply because I am - and I am His.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.